Daddy issues — and daddy solutions

I'm committing to Doing the Most. Join me.

Fine, I’ll say it: I’m an intense person.

I’m the loudest bitch on the soccer field. I cry frequently at museums, the movies, and concerts, and while riding Amtrak. When I finished watching “The Substance,” I had an immediate urge to rewatch it. I can go from sobbing with existential dread one minute to laughing the next — just ask my boyfriend about last night. I’m an eldest daughter, I can be prone to anger, and I write a newsletter about crying.

I’ve perpetually oscillated between enjoying and loathing this part of myself.

But this year, I want to try something new: Accepting it, and harnessing it. The inspiration? My father.

Curiosity got the best of me, and I searched “signs you are an intense person.” Alas.

He is many things, but one for certain: A man on the move. He works 60 hours a week, if not more. He falls asleep during any and all movies, and often wakes up at 5 am (“I’d sleep in if I still could!”). He runs, skis, golfs, and lifts weights in his free time. He regularly attends work conferences, goes to sporting events, and spends time with his family members — close and extended. He invests his hard-earned money and he reads about — you guessed it — skiing, golf, and investing. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

As a kid, it was often fun to have a playful, smart, and involved dad. But I also wondered why I didn’t really see him just hanging out around the house. He was either doing something productive to his work or life, eating, or sleeping. As a teenager and young adult who loved to sleep in late, read in her pajamas all day, and binge TV, I bristled at his choice to go go go.

At the Phillies game with my dad and brother

Now I have an understanding and appreciation for his ways, but I can’t say that I relate to his seemingly innate drive for action at nearly all hours.

But this year, I want to challenge myself. I want to have a year of Doing The Most because I think there’s something to these many, many rituals my father has sprinkled throughout his life. They’ve served him socially, mentally, physically, and financially.

I hate to admit it, but my old man may be on to something. So here’s the plan:

1. Read more books. Anything! I keep forgetting how happy I am when I read. I’m so dumb, you guys! Anyway, I got this part-memoir, part-reported non-fiction out from the Philly Free Library, and I am thoroughly engrossed. Thank you, Rachel Aviv.

2. Continue to stay off the ‘Tok and the ‘Gram. (Except to promote this newsletter, of course.) It’s good for my boredom, and in turn, my creativity. Also, my brain/nervous system and wallet.

3. Write more, craft more. In addition to the newsletter, I want to write more letters to friends and family, and get some solid book ideas on paper.

4. Spend less. I’m saving up for a couple of house projects and trips (peep my mood board below 👀). It feels good to spend intentionally (fewer dinners and nights out, more at-home self-care and entertainment) and then enjoy a big, fun payoff. I’m focusing on building up my emergency fund too, so budgeting is top of mind. Metaphorically speaking, I also have the intention to spend less time caring about other people’s business.

5. Do stuff outside of my house — and in my community. I love my neighborhood, but I’m still a fairly new resident who mainly lurks on NextDoor. I want to change that, so I’m getting involved with a youth sports organization a few days a week. I’m genuinely so excited. I’d also like to keep my movie-going streak alive. Call it The Nicole Kidman Effect! Finally, I hope to keep up a running monthly dinner date with my Philly besties. We started midway through last year, and it’s been such a fun way to keep in touch without relying solely on our phones.

If I start on any new rituals, I’ll be sure to fill you in. But I think 5 is a good amount for a girl who isn’t used to Doing The Most 😅

At some point, I want to add a ritual focused on physical fitness, but for now, I’ll stick to intermittently doing Yoga with Adriene YouTube videos. Does anyone have an exercise routine they truly look forward to? If so, plz share.

Ultimately, I hope these rituals act as outlets for my intensity. I know I can Do the Most emotionally, and I’m not trying to change that. But I think I’ll feel more satisfied — and useful — if I channel some of my intensity into tangible routines and goals.

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~ New year, similar but better me ~

What’s on your 2025 mood board? Tell me in the comments!

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Fuck, That’s Good

✨ A brief list of content that fed me this month ✨

Walk on air against your better judgment | Caitlin Flanagan for The Atlantic’s January issue

The Substance | A film starring Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, and Dennis Quaid

A Real Pain | A film starring Jesse Eisenberg and Kieran Culkin

Inside Paloma Elsesser’s Timeless Brooklyn Home | Architectural Digest

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Season 5 | Bravo

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Until next time, Crybabies,

JN